I first wrote this a year ago. Sometimes it’s good to look back on where you have come from to gain perspective on the progress you have made. Since the surgery I have been making steady progress. I am now able to participate in all aspects of life. I can run around with my children. I can bath them. We can go on family walks in the woods and on the beach. All of these seemed impossible to do this time last year. As you’ll see below.
The thing with long term injuries is you start to forget what it’s like not to be constantly in pain and waiting for the next spasm and shooting pains. You’re constantly tense, which in turn causes more problems. It’s just a long recurring cycle of fear and pain. Even before the back trouble I was having hip pain which limited mobility and what I could do. If you add up the amount of time I’ve been suffering in pain that makes it 6 years 7 months and 23 days. Seeing that in black and white is a sobering thought. To put it into further context here’s a list of few things that were happening when I first got injured;
– David Cameron was Prime Minister as part of a coalition government between Conservatives and Liberal Democrats.
– Scotland was preparing for the vote on independence.
– Boris Johnson was London Mayor.
– First Invictus Games was held in London.
– Most importantly I was still a few months away from the dressing down from my now wife telling me how stupid I am for not being with her.
When I look back at these events it seems like a million years ago. So it’s understandable to feel like I’ve been in pain forever.
My sons have never experienced having a fully fit Dad. Always with the excuses, ‘go on you can do it I’ll sit here and watch’ or ‘you go ahead I’ll catch you up’. Being an onlooker while my sons grow up, rather than being apart of it and joining in with all the fun. Seeing the disappointment in their eyes. I hate it. It’s the worst feeling in the world. A dad should be someone your kids look up to and always want to play and get up to mischief that gets both of you in trouble and a spell on the naughty step. All I want to do is jump from my seat and run around, play hide and seek, teach my sons how to ride a bike, kick a ball around the garden, just everything that dads and sons do. Instead I creak and groan getting up, making sounds that are normally exclusively heard in old peoples homes. I hate it. I hate it. I HATE IT!!!
Today (17th April 2021) I am off to the hospital for what is hopefully the beginning of the end of these issues. I am going in to have transforaminal lumbar interbody transfusion, basically spinal fusion. Now I know this will not be an instant fix and I won’t be leaving the hospital with a skip and a jump. But it will be the first step of many to getting back to a normal life. To be able to play with my sons. To be able to play football, go on bike rides and long walks, take them to the football and learn what true disappointment is, just do all the fun stuff dads and kids should do. Maybe even enjoy some husband and wife time without being careful of causing injury… I know there will be a lots a rehab work and gym work to get to that point but this is a start. The beginning. Day zero. I have been looking forward to this day for a very long time.
Now the reason I’ve pick What’s Up Danger is because my eldest, Ed, he absolutely loves Spider-Man. He has the clothes, the masks, made me buy the PS4 game, and we are always watching the films and TV series. Which is great because they’re great films and a lot better than watching Paw Patrol 24/7. Out of all of them Into the Spider Verse is my favourite, not so much Ed’s. I even watch it without him. If you’ve not seen it there’s a point in the film when this song kicks. Miles Morales is sat at the top of a building looking down. He pulls down his mask and leaps out. The whole film has been building up to this moment. This is when we see him take his leap of faith and become who he is destined to be. He becomes Spider-Man. This is my leap of faith. This is my moment to start building towards becoming who I am supposed to be. As I’m going to be part metal at the end of it, plus my love of another Marvel character, and becoming the role model of a Spiderman loving kid there’s only one way to put it. I AM IRON DAD.